Just this past week alone:
- School: an email was sent stating the police had to be called to school to address “a concern involving a student”
- Neighborhood: a pediatrician just showed up unannounced at a home of a 15 year old who had an appointment the day before.
- Metro area: a father turns in his daughter who was planning a mass shooting at her high school
What is going on? The truth is we are certainly raising our kids in a different type of world. Predators, abductors, bullies, school shooters …the list goes on and on. Growing up none of this was real life to me. I never knew anyone or heard of any kid having these types of things happening to them. My mom must have had heard otherwise. As the school year started, she would go over a plan of escape in the instance that a vehicle pulled up and a stranger approached. I walked to Kindergarten and walked home for lunch. It was blocks away and I did it alone. Things have surely changed and it can be down right scary at times.
What is the answer? Do you need to overprotect? Should you shelter your kids? Is it all about adding more rules and limitations? Is it adding more freedom?
Here is my take:
- Limits: I believe kids need limits. It is OK to tell them “NO”. In our home, we limit the time my kids can be using their technology. Outside of any school work, I like the rule of thumb….1 hour/weekday and 2 hours/weekend.
- Rules: Rules are something kids need to get use to. They will need to be able to navigate them throughout their whole life. In our house, there are basic rules (like being courteous). There are also other rules in place. For example, no technology in the bedroom. For kids, this is a must rule for so many different reasons.
- Real Conversations: I am a firm believer with arming my kids with as much information as well as strategies as is age appropriate. There is no need to shelter them. News can be watered down to an appropriate level for a child. Using “what would you do if” questions open up great discussions.
- Teaching: I think it is important to teach kids not to be afraid, but to be aware and mindful. Example, I think it is important for kids to know what appropriate ways for adults to interact with kids can looks like. To know, what to do if something is seen that that doesn’t fit that criteria. It could be something they notice as odd, inappropriate or out of the ordinary. Teaching how to identify someone who is trustworthy and how to report an issue would be another example. I want my kids to witness the world and if they see some thing that doesn’t make sense…they need to report it….not ignore it.
- Freedom: Letting my kids play outside for periods unsupervised or letting them handle a social situation with friends on their own. I remember that first time I was allowed to ride my bike up the street by myself. That feeling of freedom. Kids need to figure it out. Is there a simple activity your son/daughter could be doing right now and they are not? Is there something your child has been asking to try? What’s the worst that can happen? Again: balance, age appropriateness, knowledge level…all these things go into letting little leaps of freedom happen.
Living in fear is not living. Let’s make a promise instead to prepare our kids for life. Let’s go forward teaching them the skills they need so they can handle things like risks, freedom, and all the potentially scary things out there.
I would love to hear your take on the subject!
Until tomorrow: F-E-A-R has two meanings: “Forget Everything And Run” or “Face Everything And Rise”….the choice is yours.
Life in Snippets 