As parents, we use a number of defense mechanisms. One is excusing inappropriate behaviors of our children. Why do we do it? Maybe we want our child to be liked or maybe we don’t want to look as though we are “less than perfect parents”. Here are my 7 “favorite” excuses:
- “He’s gifted”
- “She’s just bored”
- “She’s just playing”
- “He’s not feeling well”
- “My child said it really wasn’t a big deal”
- “Boys will be boys”
- “She’s so cute”
Kids should learn to be held accountable. For us as parents, there is a big difference between defending our kids and making excuses. When those lines are blurred or crossed, we can often end up enabling behavior…which never has a good outcome.
My kids fight and still make bad choices behaviorally. Going back to my days in the classroom, I know that most behaviors have a “function”. They rarely are random acts that can be excused away or explained using one of the phrases above. A function of a behavior could be frustration or a basic need not being met. It is hard to look deeper and really address what is going on verses making an excuse. Take the time.
- Identify what actions/situations precipitate the inappropriate behavior
- Reinforce good behaviors
- Teach and model appropriate solutions/behaviors
Excusing inappropriate behaviors and not addressing them really just reinforces.
Parenting isn’t easy.
Be firm. Be fair. Set the bar high.
Life in Snippets 