Author: Snippetsofmylife

I am a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. I am a former teacher and currently a media specialist and avid volunteer. I am a baker, cook, homemaker, and chauffeur. We live in the greater D.C. area. I have been marred 19 years and we have two kids. Lizzie is 12 and a full time swimmer. Peter is 10 and plays hockey and any other sport he can get his hands on.
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M-O-M

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

So with Mother’s Day right around the bend, it makes me of course think of my own mom.  Here are some facts about her:

  • I think her dream early on in life was to be either a nun or a teacher…she chose the later.  What amazes me is back in the 60’s, she not only taught full time, but went to night school to earn her Master’s Degree.
  • She is the most spiritual person I know.  Church, God, and prayer play a huge role in her life.
  • She loves….her family, coffee, and laughing.
  • Facing new challenges may scare her, but she always marches forward.
  • I think she knows all the songs to every musical ever made.
  • Taking drives through Amish roads is something she enjoys along with bird watching.
  • Anytime she is in the sun she has a hat on.
  • She is attracted to sunglasses with really large lens.
  • She is always honest, caring, and forgiving.
  • Sweets=weakness
  • One of her favorite phrases:  “It is what it is.”

To be in your child’s memory tomorrow, you have to take time today.  My mom did just that as we were growing up!

Hugs!

 

 

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Intrinsically Motivated Kids

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Inner drive. It could be school work.  It could be a chore.  It could be sport.  What am I talking about?  That inner drive or motivation some kids have just to get something done to the best of their ability.  That inner push to reach above the bar.  There is no bribe or pressure…it is just a special spark within that child.

So, my question today is how come some kids have this and others don’t?  Is there anything you for your child if they don’t have this inner motivation?

My kids ended summer break and have started back to school.  I guess this idea of inner drive kind of slapped in the face this summer.  As I watched my kids participate in various summer sports and camps it became mighty apparent the distinction between kids who constantly drive to reach higher and do better and those who don’t care or need pushed from others.  I watched parents bribe, yell, guilt, nag, and even embarrass their child. Sometimes I even watched as parents publicly reprimanded their little one for not “winning” . I then began to think about the pressures kids are exposed to now a days…that sometimes may lead to anxiety issues.

I started to wonder what set apart these driven kids.  Is it maturity? Personality? Parenting?  Or is it a combination of all three?  I tend to think it is the later plays a big role. So let’s focus on parenting…the one area where we as parents have control.

Where should we start? How do you help to build or encourage this type of mindset in your kids? Let’s start with four little steps!

  • Recognize the little accomplishments that add up to extraordinary achievements.
  • Focus on the things they’re doing right.
  • Teach your kids to dream big.
  • Use extrinsic rewards to reward intrinsic behavior (so instead of rewarding your child for coming in first place reward their “hard work” or “leadership” or “sportsmanship”).

I personally love this list…especially remembering to reward intrinsic behaviors!

 

 

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Strawberry-Lemon Glazed Donuts

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

One of my favorite things to do is to bake and I have been doing it for as long as I can remember.  Cookies, pies, cakes, scones, donuts, muffins…you name it and I have probably baked it at least one time. Baking to me is an escape…a chance to do something creative and yummy.  My mind goes blank and I just enjoy the entire process.

Today, I decided to try out the donut pan that was given to me for Christmas.  Growing up, I worked at a donut shop in my small town.  It was a family owned business and the donuts were awesome (and still are).  So, I have a soft spot for this yummy treat and high expectations.

Baking the donuts versus frying…I wasn’t too sure of how this would work or how they would taste.  However, I knew I couldn’t go wrong with vanilla batter and a glaze of fresh strawberries and lemon.  Plus, this recipe from start to finish only took 30 minutes.

My son located the donuts as soon as he walked in the door.  They were a hit…with everyone!

Recipe: Strawberry-Lemon Glazed Baked Donuts

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 cup light brown sugar

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 egg

3 tbsp melted butter

1/4 cup buttermilk

2/3 cup plain Greek yogurt

1 1/2 tsp vanilla

Glaze:

1 1/2 cups of powdered sugar
1/4 cup of fresh strawberries (thoroughly mashed)
lemon zest
lemon juice

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Lightly grease donut pan and set aside.

2.  Mix together egg, melted butter, buttermilk, yogurt, and vanilla.  Add dry ingredients.  Do NOT over mix.  Just mix until combined.

3.  Put batter into a quart-sized zip lock bag and cut off the tip.  Pipe batter into pan.  bake for 9 minutes.  Let cool sightly and remove from pan.

**Icing:  mix mashed strawberries and powdered sugar.  Add lemon zest.  Lemon juice can be added if the icing is too thick.

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7 excuses we make for our kids

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As parents, we use a number of defense mechanisms.  One is excusing inappropriate behaviors of our children.  Why do we do it?   Maybe we want our child to be liked or maybe we don’t want to look as though we are “less than perfect parents”.  Here are my 7 “favorite” excuses:

  • “He’s gifted”
  • “She’s just bored”
  • “She’s just playing”
  • “He’s not feeling well”
  • “My child said it really wasn’t a big deal”
  • “Boys will be boys”
  • “She’s so cute”

Kids should learn to be held accountable.  For us as parents, there is a big difference between defending our kids and making excuses.  When those lines are blurred or crossed, we can often end up enabling behavior…which never has a good outcome.

My kids fight and still make bad choices behaviorally.  Going back to my days in the classroom, I know that most behaviors have a “function”.  They rarely are random acts that can be excused away or explained using one of the phrases above.  A function of a behavior could be frustration or a basic need not being met.   It is hard to look deeper and really address what is going on verses making an excuse.  Take the time.

  • Identify what actions/situations precipitate the inappropriate behavior
  • Reinforce good behaviors
  • Teach and model appropriate solutions/behaviors

Excusing inappropriate behaviors and not addressing them really just reinforces.

Parenting isn’t easy.

Be firm. Be fair. Set the bar high.

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I am not an expert, but try to play one in real life

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One look around and you will find experts everywhere.  They seem to pop up over night.  Within 2 minutes on the internet, I could find people claiming to be experts in: nutrition, exercise, fashion, house cleaning, interior design, child care, elder care, pets, marriage, childhood, and addiction.   The question is: what really makes someone an expert?  Is it experience?  Education?  Success?  How do you weed out true experts from the people pretending to be one..especially on-line?

Looking at an “expert” purely in terms of a definition, it would be a person with a high degree of skill in or knowledge of a certain subject  or field.  Here are some great guidelines from Daniel Newman via Forbes magazine:

  • Consider the source
  • Check the facts
  • Search or Nimble the author

To take it even further, the Harvard Business Review writes that a real expertise must pass three tests. First,  performance must be consistently superior to that of the expert’s peers. Second, real expertise produces concrete results. Finally, true expertise can be replicated and measured in the lab.

My additional tips:

  • Use common sense.  Just content writing doesn’t make someone an expert.
  • Just because something is on the internet does NOT make the information true.
  • It’s OK to admit you are an amateur…one that is eager to learn and grow.

In today’s world it is really hard to weed through the garbage.  We are all searching for authentic information that will provide the best outcome for us.  Keep the above mentioned things in mind as you scan through social media and the internet in search for the latest information on a topic.  Hopefully, it will save you from wasting your time.

“Owning a drone does not a pilot make.” ― Alex Morritt

“All great achievements require time.” – Maya Angelou

 

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Living in a world of fakeness

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Fakeness seems to be all around us.  News. People. Friends. Brands. Help. Information.  Every where you turn one must assess…truth from fiction.  Typically, something “fake” or being “fake” has a negative cloud surrounding it.  Now no one seems to care.  “Fake” is still going strong and seems to be gaining popularity.

Though we can’t stop the fake news or information from flying around.  We can certainly take action. I say let’s counter the fakers with authenticity or flash your sincere personality.

Here is a checklist of traits that genuine or authentic people share:

  1. a strong, but balanced self-esteem
  2. an ability to embrace his/her own vulnerability
  3. to share your true thoughts and beliefs
  4. to give and receive compliments openly
  5. to really listen and prefer deep conversations
  6. to be driven by inner voices and not surrounding people or pressures
  7. an ability to be compassionate towards others
  8. to have inner courage

Genuine. Real. True.

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Soapbox: “Half-Assing” 

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Every once in a while I believe people are allowed to get on the good, old soapbox and let loose.

My topic for today:  Are we OK with the idea of half-assing it?

What you ask?  Half-assing it?  We have all seen people around us do it.  People guilty of putting forth very little effort.  It could be towards work, an assignment, an aspect of parenting, cleaning the house, cooking a meal, walking the dog, exercising at the gym…I think you get my point.  Yes…parents, kids, professionals, men, women, and many others doing what I like to call “half-assing it”.

Growing up, my dad would comment about making sure I wasn’t doing a “half-ass” job at something.  It could have been my school work or a chore around the house.  His point is work hard and get the job done right.  Was the wording he used warm or fuzzy?  No, but it certainly got the point across and actually drove me to always strive to achieve more….to reach further than the “bar”.

Social media, the news, and even magazines highlight people who are looking for and maybe even be expecting the world to be a place where little effort gets you far.  Think of all the “experts” out there selling…short cuts, fads, and even quick fixes that produce amazing results.  Add to this, people who are too tired, frustrated, or self-absorbed to give 100% to anything (excuses flying when things don’t work out).

Yes, we all need time, a break, and relief.  Sometimes that last thing you may want to do or address is staring you in the face.  What should you do? Do it with little effort?

You may be rolling your eyes as reading this post.  Maybe thinking I am judgemental or some other unattractive adjective.  Some may think I “half-ass” it…maybe they are confused about the definition…lol.  In my life, as long as a person’s lack of effort doesn’t affect me or my family…I don’t care.  I chose to ignore it. However, when it directly or indirectly impacts me or my family that is when I have a bit of an issue. What am I doing to counteract this “half-ass” mentality that is floating about? Here’s what I practice and tell my kids:

  • Always put forth your best effort whether it is cleaning up, doing homework, or playing a sport.
  • Be consistent.
  • Perseverance is key.
  • Dreams become reality through hard work and determination.
  • Success is no accident.

There is no magic wand out there.  Success and gains in life…whether big or small…take hard work.  So, here is to all those who grind away daily.  Those who do each and every day tackle their tasks with their very best efforts. The work can be hard and the days can be long, but fight on…it will always be worth it in the end.

Peace.Love.Hugs

There is no substitute of hard work.~ Thomas Edison

“I’m a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.”~Thomas Jefferson

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Are our kids really safe anywhere?

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Just this past week alone:

  • School: an email was sent stating the police had to be called to school to address “a concern involving a student”
  • Neighborhood: a pediatrician just showed up unannounced at a home of a 15 year old who had an appointment the day before.
  • Metro area: a father turns in his daughter who was planning a mass shooting at her high school

What is going on?  The truth is we are certainly raising our kids in a different type of world.  Predators, abductors, bullies, school shooters …the list goes on and on.  Growing up none of this was real life to me.  I never knew anyone or heard of any kid having these types of things happening to them.  My mom  must have had heard otherwise.  As the school year started, she would go over a plan of escape in the instance that a vehicle pulled up and a stranger approached.   I walked to Kindergarten and walked home for lunch.  It was blocks away and I did it alone. Things have surely changed and it can be down right scary at times.

What is the answer?  Do you need to overprotect?  Should you shelter your kids?   Is it all about adding more rules and limitations?  Is it adding more freedom?

Here is my take:

  • Limits:  I believe kids need limits.  It is OK to tell them “NO”.  In our home, we limit the time my kids can be using their technology.  Outside of any school work, I like the rule of thumb….1 hour/weekday and 2 hours/weekend.
  • Rules:  Rules are something kids need to get use to.  They will need to be able to navigate them throughout their whole life.  In our house, there are basic rules (like being courteous).  There are also other rules in place. For example, no technology in the bedroom.  For kids,  this is a must rule for so many different reasons.
  • Real Conversations:  I am a firm believer with arming my kids with as much information as well as strategies as is age appropriate. There is no need to shelter them.  News can be watered down to an appropriate level for a child.  Using “what would you do if” questions open up great discussions.
  • Teaching:  I think it is important to teach kids not to be afraid, but to be aware and mindful.  Example, I think it is important for kids to know what appropriate ways for adults to interact with kids can looks like.  To know, what to do if something is seen that that doesn’t fit that criteria.  It could be something they notice as odd, inappropriate or out of the ordinary.    Teaching how to identify someone who is trustworthy and how to report an issue would be another example.  I want my kids to witness the world and if they see some thing that doesn’t make sense…they need to report it….not ignore it.
  • Freedom:  Letting my kids play outside for periods unsupervised or letting them handle a social situation with friends on their own. I remember that first time I was allowed to ride my bike up the street by myself.  That feeling of freedom.  Kids need to figure it out.  Is there a simple activity your son/daughter could be doing right now and they are not?  Is there something your child has been asking to try?  What’s the worst that can happen?  Again:  balance, age appropriateness, knowledge level…all these things go into letting little leaps of freedom happen.

Living in fear is not living.  Let’s make a promise instead to prepare our kids for life. Let’s go forward teaching them the skills they need so they can handle things like risks, freedom, and all the potentially scary things out there.

I would love to hear your take on the subject!

Until tomorrow:  F-E-A-R has two meanings:  “Forget Everything And Run” or “Face Everything And Rise”….the choice is yours.

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Where are you in your spiritual wellness journey?

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I just finished listening to a talk on spiritual health and it is something that really struck a nerve with me. It really made me question, how much time am I really devoting to my own spiritual health?  Is my time and attention to my spiritual health anywhere near the other areas of  my wellness?

As some background, many experts agree that there are 9 dimension of wellness.  These include: physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, social, environmental, occupational, financial, and cultural.  The concurrence is that to achieve true whole wellness as an individual, wellness needs to be achieved in each mentioned area.

Out of all those areas or dimensions…spiritual wellness interests me the most. What exactly is spiritual wellness?  This is not so black and white as the definition as spirituality can mean different things to different people. I think there are some commonalities.   It’s base is in finding life’s purpose and includes the :

  • Combination of religious faith, values, beliefs, principles, and morals.
  • Capability of being able to of understand that others may have a distinctly different set of guiding principles.
  • Ability to integrate beliefs and values into actions

I think of my own kids. Am I modeling and teaching them how to become strong in their spiritual wellness?  As a teacher, it was amazing to see how a lack of spiritual wellness in students affected so many aspects of their lives.    Honestly.  Students who came from homes where spiritual health was overlooked or not modeled were obvious to others in the way they acted, in what they said, and how they reacted.

How can you achieve better spiritual health?  It can involve things such as meditation, prayer, affirmations, or specific spiritual practices that support your connection to a higher power or belief system. It also is having and teaching compassion, the capacity for love and forgiveness, altruism, joy, and fulfillment.

Feel that you spiritual wellness is the best it can be?  Take time to see.

  • Do you make time for relaxation?
  • Do you make time for meditation and/or prayer?
  • Do my values guide my decisions and actions?
  • Am I accepting of the views of others?

If you are looking at where to start strengthening this key dimension of wellness?

  • Practice acceptance
  • Live in a way that is consistent with your core beliefs and values
  • Take time for quiet, reflection, prayer or meditation
  • Build awareness through journaling, quiet, or yoga
  • Become more aware and mindful of the deeper meanings of everyday events
  • Stop and take 7 deep breaths for no reason

Blessings and peace.

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True confessions.. in a sauna

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Over the last month, my new evening routine has revolved around going to the gym with my brother.  Each night we mix exercise with “relaxation”…aka  steam room and sauna (thankfully both are located in the locker room).  Before heading into our respective locker rooms, we agree on a time to meet out in the lobby.  Most nights…well 80% of them…I am late.  Late not because I am loafing, but “late” due to conversations in the sauna.  Crazy as this is the last place I would ever think someone would want to chat. However, women have entered the sauna and have began talking to me…not chit-chatting…real conversations.  Conversations that circle around accomplishments, challenges, and fears. I have heard stories of celebrations, death, premonitions, empowerment, parenting, and health.  It is amazing as these are coming from women I don’t even know.  Women I have never met in my life. Raw and real conversations right there in the sauna.

So why me?  Why open up to a complete stranger?  I am never sure of the answer.  Is it the vulnerability of just being in the sauna?  Is it some form of an emotional work out ? Throughout these conversations, I do not pass judgement.  The recipe is really simple:  listening,  encouragement, and maybe a dash of advice or affirmation.   That’s it.

I guess this leads to my next question a question I have taken out of the sauna setting:  Do we really take time to listen?  To be a friend?   Can simple gestures such as listening and kindness really make a difference?  I am not always so great in these areas myself.  I often miss the mark.  I get caught up in life, my family, and my own issues.  Some days and even nights at the gym, the last thing I want to do is talk.  I selfishly want to sit there in silence.  There in lies one issue…sometimes it isn’t about “me”.

The funny thing the sauna is one place I can think of that is totally technology and distractions free.  Just the heat and piped in music and heat…lots and lots of heat. How often do we just put our technology away while with friends?  Maybe that is the key:  these sauna conversations are conversations where real communication is occurring…interruption free.    It seems in today’s world that kind of genuine connection is often lost.  That person to person chat where you can just be totally honest and free of judgement.  Conversations without the temptation to answer an email or check a text.

Hmmmm…Mike, I apologize for my lateness as I am truly sorry for making you wait.  But your sister “Lucy” is currently on to something….something pretty cool.