Category: #life

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A note to my daughter

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

It seems like it was yesterday…

Thanksgiving break 2005…we had family and friends popping in and out of the house for days.  Boy I just wanted to put my super pregnant self on the couch and rest.  Your due date was a few weeks off…so I knew I had time, but you had other plans!

Contractions started and continued on and off over night.  Part of me was absolutely in denial as we headed off to the hospital the next day.  I was so sure we would be sent home.  So, dad and I were in a bit of shock when the nurse told us that a room was being prepared. Excited but scared we got checked in and settled.  Keep in mind we had no idea if we were having a girl or boy…we wanted to be surprised!

Everyone told me time will fly and boy has it ever.  I can’t believe you are on the thresh-hold of your teenage years!

Thinking about you and how you live your life, I came up with the list below….goals that I see you work towards daily.  I don’t think we have ever listed these out.  However, everyday dad and I see you strive to hit these…and it makes our hearts swell.  Continue your pursuit beautiful girl… because guess what?!  These will guide you through life:)

  • Dream big
  • Surround yourself with the positive
  • Reach high
  • Trust and honesty are invaluable
  • Be positive
  • Laughter always helps
  • Find the silver lining
  • Be organized
  • Make a difference
  • Believe in yourself
  • Keep your family close
  • Have faith
Posted in #life

What do I want to be known or remembered for?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

This is a question that was posed to me at the end of 2017.  When I thought about it, I have decided to make it my focus starting in 2018.

I never really thought of this question before.  Sure I want to be a good wife, mom, friend…but I actually think this question is deeper and bigger.  Did you ever think about this?  What would your answer be?

In today’s world, I believe “successful” is probably a top answer on many people’s list. Everyone seems to thrive on success.  It could be the financial glamour or the personal recognition or maybe a bit of both.  But is this what you want to really be remembered for?

Once upon a time, “success” drove me.  The financial and personal satisfaction were addictive.  I loved being known as an “expert”  and sought after by others for advice.  In hindsight, the “me-centered” lifestyle I created… all in the name of helping kids …actually was not really “me-healthy”.   This success  I craved was slowly creating a “me-centered” world…though at the time I would argue that point with anyone.

The unseen or unacknowledged consequences centered around neglected relationships….of friends, family, and actually with God.  Time lost with those I swore were important to me.  Time that could not be regained.

Flash forward to now.  Maybe age, life, and experience have given me a different look of what I want…I don’t know.  However, here is my goal…

Someday

I

Hope

To

Be

Remembered

For

My

Spirituality shining with kindness, faith, hope, compassion, and love:)

A tall order?  Maybe.  What about being a good wife, mom, friend?  Well, I think all that will be covered:)

Now it is your turn.  Think about how you want to be remembered and strive everyday to reach your goal.

 

” Let no one ever come to you without coming away better and happier.”~Mother Teresa

 

 

Posted in #life

Where do I fit in my kids pre-teen/teen world?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Our daughter is turning 12 in a few weeks.  Last night we were looking through videos and spending some precious time reminiscing.  There she was in front of the camera ….needing mom and dad and wanting to show and share everything with us.  As she enters her into the last year of being a “pre-teen” things are starting to change.

Entering this new life chapter…Where do I fit? Or her dad?  Well, in my opinion, I believe that pre-teens and teens need us a parents now more than ever!  How they may need us is what changes.  So, even though they may want more space or more freedom, that doesn’t lessen our role as parents.

Tips?

  • shift your focus from over managing your child’s schedule
  • provide advice and supervision
  • have high, but realistic  expectations
  • know their friends
  • establishing a special period of one-on-one time once or twice a week that you spend with your tween, where you’re providing undivided attention
  • start conversations surrounding hard or uncomfortable topics
  • hold firm with consequences

If your child get caught getting into trouble:

  • Call them out if they are caught in a lie
  • Address misbehavior
  • Teach them to make amends if another person who was affected
  • Use natural consequences (ex:  if caught sneaking the cell phone…then the cell phone is off-limits for a period of time)
  • let them know the sneaky behavior is not justified and goes against your house rules
  • Remove emotion and stay calm

“Adolescence is a period of rapid changes.  Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.” – Author Unknown

 

Posted in #life

Family

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

(A clarification before I begin, I consider my husband’s family as well as my family  “extended family”)

Family can be such a blessing for many of us.  They can provide support, a sounding board, a connection to history and even fill us with unconditional love.  However, as families have become more scattered as well as independent, it can be really difficult establish and keep relationships with extended family members.  It can be really, really difficult to teach our children to do this same thing.

We all have the obligations that daily life throws at us.  Home, school, friends, kids, and employment responsibilities are there daily and often leave us tired.  The last thing some of us may want to do is pick up the phone or even talk at the end of a long day let alone over the weekend.

Family relationships, just like any other relationship,  will never work and will eventually fade if you don’t make it a priority and give it attention. Modeling family relationships and all that entails falls into our court as parents.  If you don’t show your children how to put forth effort in fostering relationships with extended family, they never will know how to.  If you speak negatively about your extended family in front of your children, then they will pick up on those same habits. Over generations, these family ties will eventually fade or be destroyed.  Now I am not saying there aren’t circumstances where ties shouldn’t be cut…but that is discussion for another post.

I admit I am guilty.  With the death of my father-in-law this last week, it has really reconfirmed that I need to take more of an initiative.  Calls or even efforts at times haven’t been made.  Past encounters may have seeded  hurt feelings in some cases.  Taking that initial step to let things go or to look past the past can be hard.  So, where do you even start?  How can you begin to bring your extended family back into your life?  There are simple things you can do to nurture or rebuild relationships:

  • Call at least once a month.
  • Send a text message every once in a while.
  • Send an email.
  • Go old school…write a letter or send a card.
  • Keep up to date on your photo albums.
  • Plan family reunions, picnics, or just get-togethers

Or as in any relationship…you can simply start by extending respect, and give love a chance to grow!  It is amazing what time and a little effort can do!

“Family where life begins & love never ends.”~ unknown

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Strawberry-Lemon Glazed Donuts

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

One of my favorite things to do is to bake and I have been doing it for as long as I can remember.  Cookies, pies, cakes, scones, donuts, muffins…you name it and I have probably baked it at least one time. Baking to me is an escape…a chance to do something creative and yummy.  My mind goes blank and I just enjoy the entire process.

Today, I decided to try out the donut pan that was given to me for Christmas.  Growing up, I worked at a donut shop in my small town.  It was a family owned business and the donuts were awesome (and still are).  So, I have a soft spot for this yummy treat and high expectations.

Baking the donuts versus frying…I wasn’t too sure of how this would work or how they would taste.  However, I knew I couldn’t go wrong with vanilla batter and a glaze of fresh strawberries and lemon.  Plus, this recipe from start to finish only took 30 minutes.

My son located the donuts as soon as he walked in the door.  They were a hit…with everyone!

Recipe: Strawberry-Lemon Glazed Baked Donuts

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 cup light brown sugar

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 egg

3 tbsp melted butter

1/4 cup buttermilk

2/3 cup plain Greek yogurt

1 1/2 tsp vanilla

Glaze:

1 1/2 cups of powdered sugar
1/4 cup of fresh strawberries (thoroughly mashed)
lemon zest
lemon juice

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Lightly grease donut pan and set aside.

2.  Mix together egg, melted butter, buttermilk, yogurt, and vanilla.  Add dry ingredients.  Do NOT over mix.  Just mix until combined.

3.  Put batter into a quart-sized zip lock bag and cut off the tip.  Pipe batter into pan.  bake for 9 minutes.  Let cool sightly and remove from pan.

**Icing:  mix mashed strawberries and powdered sugar.  Add lemon zest.  Lemon juice can be added if the icing is too thick.

Posted in #life, Snippets

7 excuses we make for our kids

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

As parents, we use a number of defense mechanisms.  One is excusing inappropriate behaviors of our children.  Why do we do it?   Maybe we want our child to be liked or maybe we don’t want to look as though we are “less than perfect parents”.  Here are my 7 “favorite” excuses:

  • “He’s gifted”
  • “She’s just bored”
  • “She’s just playing”
  • “He’s not feeling well”
  • “My child said it really wasn’t a big deal”
  • “Boys will be boys”
  • “She’s so cute”

Kids should learn to be held accountable.  For us as parents, there is a big difference between defending our kids and making excuses.  When those lines are blurred or crossed, we can often end up enabling behavior…which never has a good outcome.

My kids fight and still make bad choices behaviorally.  Going back to my days in the classroom, I know that most behaviors have a “function”.  They rarely are random acts that can be excused away or explained using one of the phrases above.  A function of a behavior could be frustration or a basic need not being met.   It is hard to look deeper and really address what is going on verses making an excuse.  Take the time.

  • Identify what actions/situations precipitate the inappropriate behavior
  • Reinforce good behaviors
  • Teach and model appropriate solutions/behaviors

Excusing inappropriate behaviors and not addressing them really just reinforces.

Parenting isn’t easy.

Be firm. Be fair. Set the bar high.

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I am not an expert, but try to play one in real life

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

One look around and you will find experts everywhere.  They seem to pop up over night.  Within 2 minutes on the internet, I could find people claiming to be experts in: nutrition, exercise, fashion, house cleaning, interior design, child care, elder care, pets, marriage, childhood, and addiction.   The question is: what really makes someone an expert?  Is it experience?  Education?  Success?  How do you weed out true experts from the people pretending to be one..especially on-line?

Looking at an “expert” purely in terms of a definition, it would be a person with a high degree of skill in or knowledge of a certain subject  or field.  Here are some great guidelines from Daniel Newman via Forbes magazine:

  • Consider the source
  • Check the facts
  • Search or Nimble the author

To take it even further, the Harvard Business Review writes that a real expertise must pass three tests. First,  performance must be consistently superior to that of the expert’s peers. Second, real expertise produces concrete results. Finally, true expertise can be replicated and measured in the lab.

My additional tips:

  • Use common sense.  Just content writing doesn’t make someone an expert.
  • Just because something is on the internet does NOT make the information true.
  • It’s OK to admit you are an amateur…one that is eager to learn and grow.

In today’s world it is really hard to weed through the garbage.  We are all searching for authentic information that will provide the best outcome for us.  Keep the above mentioned things in mind as you scan through social media and the internet in search for the latest information on a topic.  Hopefully, it will save you from wasting your time.

“Owning a drone does not a pilot make.” ― Alex Morritt

“All great achievements require time.” – Maya Angelou

 

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Living in a world of fakeness

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Fakeness seems to be all around us.  News. People. Friends. Brands. Help. Information.  Every where you turn one must assess…truth from fiction.  Typically, something “fake” or being “fake” has a negative cloud surrounding it.  Now no one seems to care.  “Fake” is still going strong and seems to be gaining popularity.

Though we can’t stop the fake news or information from flying around.  We can certainly take action. I say let’s counter the fakers with authenticity or flash your sincere personality.

Here is a checklist of traits that genuine or authentic people share:

  1. a strong, but balanced self-esteem
  2. an ability to embrace his/her own vulnerability
  3. to share your true thoughts and beliefs
  4. to give and receive compliments openly
  5. to really listen and prefer deep conversations
  6. to be driven by inner voices and not surrounding people or pressures
  7. an ability to be compassionate towards others
  8. to have inner courage

Genuine. Real. True.

Posted in #life, Snippets, Uncategorized

Are our kids really safe anywhere?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Just this past week alone:

  • School: an email was sent stating the police had to be called to school to address “a concern involving a student”
  • Neighborhood: a pediatrician just showed up unannounced at a home of a 15 year old who had an appointment the day before.
  • Metro area: a father turns in his daughter who was planning a mass shooting at her high school

What is going on?  The truth is we are certainly raising our kids in a different type of world.  Predators, abductors, bullies, school shooters …the list goes on and on.  Growing up none of this was real life to me.  I never knew anyone or heard of any kid having these types of things happening to them.  My mom  must have had heard otherwise.  As the school year started, she would go over a plan of escape in the instance that a vehicle pulled up and a stranger approached.   I walked to Kindergarten and walked home for lunch.  It was blocks away and I did it alone. Things have surely changed and it can be down right scary at times.

What is the answer?  Do you need to overprotect?  Should you shelter your kids?   Is it all about adding more rules and limitations?  Is it adding more freedom?

Here is my take:

  • Limits:  I believe kids need limits.  It is OK to tell them “NO”.  In our home, we limit the time my kids can be using their technology.  Outside of any school work, I like the rule of thumb….1 hour/weekday and 2 hours/weekend.
  • Rules:  Rules are something kids need to get use to.  They will need to be able to navigate them throughout their whole life.  In our house, there are basic rules (like being courteous).  There are also other rules in place. For example, no technology in the bedroom.  For kids,  this is a must rule for so many different reasons.
  • Real Conversations:  I am a firm believer with arming my kids with as much information as well as strategies as is age appropriate. There is no need to shelter them.  News can be watered down to an appropriate level for a child.  Using “what would you do if” questions open up great discussions.
  • Teaching:  I think it is important to teach kids not to be afraid, but to be aware and mindful.  Example, I think it is important for kids to know what appropriate ways for adults to interact with kids can looks like.  To know, what to do if something is seen that that doesn’t fit that criteria.  It could be something they notice as odd, inappropriate or out of the ordinary.    Teaching how to identify someone who is trustworthy and how to report an issue would be another example.  I want my kids to witness the world and if they see some thing that doesn’t make sense…they need to report it….not ignore it.
  • Freedom:  Letting my kids play outside for periods unsupervised or letting them handle a social situation with friends on their own. I remember that first time I was allowed to ride my bike up the street by myself.  That feeling of freedom.  Kids need to figure it out.  Is there a simple activity your son/daughter could be doing right now and they are not?  Is there something your child has been asking to try?  What’s the worst that can happen?  Again:  balance, age appropriateness, knowledge level…all these things go into letting little leaps of freedom happen.

Living in fear is not living.  Let’s make a promise instead to prepare our kids for life. Let’s go forward teaching them the skills they need so they can handle things like risks, freedom, and all the potentially scary things out there.

I would love to hear your take on the subject!

Until tomorrow:  F-E-A-R has two meanings:  “Forget Everything And Run” or “Face Everything And Rise”….the choice is yours.