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A note to my daughter

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

It seems like it was yesterday…

Thanksgiving break 2005…we had family and friends popping in and out of the house for days.  Boy I just wanted to put my super pregnant self on the couch and rest.  Your due date was a few weeks off…so I knew I had time, but you had other plans!

Contractions started and continued on and off over night.  Part of me was absolutely in denial as we headed off to the hospital the next day.  I was so sure we would be sent home.  So, dad and I were in a bit of shock when the nurse told us that a room was being prepared. Excited but scared we got checked in and settled.  Keep in mind we had no idea if we were having a girl or boy…we wanted to be surprised!

Everyone told me time will fly and boy has it ever.  I can’t believe you are on the thresh-hold of your teenage years!

Thinking about you and how you live your life, I came up with the list below….goals that I see you work towards daily.  I don’t think we have ever listed these out.  However, everyday dad and I see you strive to hit these…and it makes our hearts swell.  Continue your pursuit beautiful girl… because guess what?!  These will guide you through life:)

  • Dream big
  • Surround yourself with the positive
  • Reach high
  • Trust and honesty are invaluable
  • Be positive
  • Laughter always helps
  • Find the silver lining
  • Be organized
  • Make a difference
  • Believe in yourself
  • Keep your family close
  • Have faith
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There’s no entitlement here

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

This past weekend, we were at my son’s hockey tournament in Philadelphia.  The concept of traveling for long, sports weekends is new to me…to put it out there my son is 9 years old.

I am always prepared for the actual trip itself.  Packing clothing, gear, and snacks is no problem as I am a list maker and thrive on organization.

What I am never prepared for is the chaos.  My son loves staying at the team hotel and he loves hanging out with his friends.  Typically, multiple teams from different states all seem to end up at the same hotel. Tons of players, parents, and siblings are everywhere.

I love going into a hotel where the rules are set out upon arrival.   Rules?  Yep.  For some reason, when a hockey team arrives waivers and rules are thrown out to you at the front desk.  Basic rules….no running, yelling, throwing things over railings.  Common sense?  To some…but not all.  This particular hotel in Philly even had security to help police the kids.

After a long day of tournament games followed by some intense floor hockey, my son and some friends decided it was a great idea to run down the hallways yelling…security nabbed them.  Did I try to make excuses or get my son out of whatever consequence was in store?  No I did not.

How often do we see parents trying to argue or excuse behavior/action in order to get their kid out of a consequence?  I see it often…at the pool in the summer, at a restaurant, at school, in a classroom…the list goes on and on.

My question is what are teaching our children?  Consequences aren’t for me?  I don’t have to follow rules?  I don’t have limits? Are we as parents just too overprotective?

I think letting your child experience the discomfort of natural consequences is a good thing.  It allows your child to learn the skills necessary to bounce back from failure or mistakes.  Living through consequences teaches your child decision making skills.  Think about it.

“It’s all part of growing up” my dad says…and I have to agree…time to own up and grow up!

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My Facebook Detox: 30 days later

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

At the end of March,  I decided to free my mind and time by getting off Facebook.  This was a decision made after hearing a number of rumblings claiming the unsung benefits of doing so.

  • A quieter mind
  • Being more present in the moment
  • Increased social interactions
  • More authenticity in relationships
  • Increased focus and creativity
  • Feeling more positive

So, I logged off…for 30 days.

I have to admit that it was the best decision for me.  The biggest change was being more present with friends and those around me.  My focus when out with my friends or family really centered around that….being together, interacting, and absorbing the experience.  Facebook was no longer part of dinners out or drinks with friends.  It no longer was that “third wheel” popping up to take a picture of a trip, a date, or a night out with friends.

Life without Facebook forced me to talk more.  It gave me back time and perspective.  It freed up time to read more…and I just read an article that talked about how many hours it takes to be friends with someone…90 hours or more (and Facebook comments, likes, and shares don’t count)!  I realized all the time I spent snapping pictures and tagging others…didn’t really matter to most of my Facebook friends.  Really what was the point?  Though family and a handful of friends may have been excited to see my kid scoring a goal, did the majority of FB friends really give a rip about me going out to lunch or hanging out over coffee?  In actuality was I really just making others feel excluded..though never the intent?!? Or did I crave the validation that comes from posting certain pictures?

Going forward…30 minutes of Facebook time is what I am willing to spend each week.  My posts will be limited and probably more thoughtful…keeping in mind that too much of a good thing is never good.

I am so happy with this journey and being able to share it with you!

~It’s all about growth and change…one step at a time~

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Am I a nightmare sports parent?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

We are a sports family.  Our son is involved in hockey, swimming, and basketball (always 3 sports throughout the school year).  Competitive swimming is our daughter’s sole interest.  Our weekly calendar is a revolving door as the kids go to practices 5-6 days a week plus have games or meets.  Sports are awesome as they teach people to deal with challenges and obstacles.  We love them and have seen our kids grown through participation.

One of the big draw backs as kids get older and sports become competitive can be the parents.  Yikes…did I just say that?

When my kids made the switch from recreational sports to competitive sports there came a switch with the parents.  With rec leagues and games, parents  were all about laughing and snacks.  As the kids got older and the focus of the sports changed to one which is more competitive in nature, the attitude of some parents changed.  Now practices can be filled with this underlying intensity and competitiveness.  Lofty expectations start filtering into practices and games.  You start hearing words such as “kick butt” (or variations of this) and papers with stats start flying around.  As soon as a game or meet is over you can over hear parents conferencing with their child….”You didn’t hustle” or “You would have won if the ref. hadn’t made so many bad calls”.  Am I guilty as criticizing or coaching as soon as the kids leave the field, rink, or pool? Guilty of telling my kid to “kick so&so’s butt”?  YES 😳

Away from the venue (when clarity seeps in), I admit these comments, pressures, and expectations, are undermining and can often cause unnecessary stress and pressure.  Being honest…what should I do instead?

  • Teach my kids to challenge themselves and to improve.
  • Teach them that success/failure is not the same as winning/losing.
  • Support them…but keep in mind I am NOT the coach.
  • Remember my kids are not going “pro” or going to the Olympics.
  • Remember that my kids are NOT the performance…losing a game or meet doesn’t “define” them as a person.
  • Teach them how deal with losing.

Or maybe I can just start by saying “I ❤️ to watch you play/swim/etc.” and save the feedback for a later time.

Hmmmm..now if I can get my hubby on board 😂

Figuring it out…one.step.at.a time💕

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My social media detox

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Detoxes are hot right now…especially when it comes to health.  People realize the importance of rebooting or resetting their bodies–probably one or more times throughout the year.  I think “detoxes” can apply to any area of your life where you need to refocus and readjust.

How about a mental and emotional detox…starting with unplugging from social media?  I don’t think it is fully realized how social media can affect your mental and emotional health. Though it allows people to instantly connect. It does not offer anything close to the benefits that real-life/face-to-face connections and interactions do.  It’s easy to get caught up in comparisons and self-judgments as one scrolls through the news feeds.  Usage snaps up hours of our time each and every day and week…time we can actually be engaging in authentic relationships with others or spending on a task or activity.

The numerous benefits of unplugging seem worth some attention.  Participants in these so-called social media detoxes have called the experience “life-changing”.  Really?

  • A quieter mind
  • Being more in the moment
  • Increased social interactions
  • More authentic in relationships
  • Increased creativity and focus
  • Feeling more positive

Hmmmm…..

Between work and personal use, I spend a good bit of time on social media. There are times I certainly seem weighed down by it or feel drained after being on it.  So, is all the buzz about unplugging true?

Here goes… no posting, reading news feeds, or commenting/liking posts….totally disengaging … for one month.

Wish me luck!

 

 

 

 

 

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Happiness attracts happiness

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

How many people remember the saying “misery LOVES company”?  My mom would whip out this saying- especially through my middle school years.

I don’t know if misery LOVES company, but I do think “misery” or people who are consistently negative and miserable NEED company.  In my imagination, misery is a like giant, ugly monster.  It only grows by being around others who are miserable. Misery needs to be fed and what it feeds off of is others who are similar in thought and action.

I believe the same can be said for happiness.  If you are a happy person, your happiness can be “fed” or enhanced by others who happy.  Can it really be that simple?  I think is…

In this world of podcast, books, and live videos there are tons of resources and experts on this topic.  It is sort of mind-blowing to think one needs to work on being happy, but it actually makes sense.

So where can you start?  I suggest starting with yourself.  Whether you are already happy or need work in this area, everyone can benefit from new or different actions.

What are some simple things you can do?

  • Simplify your life by organizing and purging the unnecessary clutter from your life.
  • Each day identify and acknowledge 1-2 things you are grateful for.
  • Start the day listening to music.
  • Diffuse essential oils or burn candles.
  • Take baths with Epson salts.
  • Put the iPhone down and log onto social media sites less often.
  • Stay in the present moment.

Try implementing a new thing….maybe focus on one new technique for a few weeks before adding something new.

Have kids?  It is never to early to start guiding them to the world of happiness.  At night, as I am tucking the kids in, I love to ask them what they are grateful for.  Or I have done this during family dinner giving each person a chance to talk about what he/she is grateful for that day.

Remember:  Little things when done over time can make a BIG difference!

What are your favorite ways to feed and grow your happiness?

 

 

 

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M-O-M

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

So with Mother’s Day right around the bend, it makes me of course think of my own mom.  Here are some facts about her:

  • I think her dream early on in life was to be either a nun or a teacher…she chose the later.  What amazes me is back in the 60’s, she not only taught full time, but went to night school to earn her Master’s Degree.
  • She is the most spiritual person I know.  Church, God, and prayer play a huge role in her life.
  • She loves….her family, coffee, and laughing.
  • Facing new challenges may scare her, but she always marches forward.
  • I think she knows all the songs to every musical ever made.
  • Taking drives through Amish roads is something she enjoys along with bird watching.
  • Anytime she is in the sun she has a hat on.
  • She is attracted to sunglasses with really large lens.
  • She is always honest, caring, and forgiving.
  • Sweets=weakness
  • One of her favorite phrases:  “It is what it is.”

To be in your child’s memory tomorrow, you have to take time today.  My mom did just that as we were growing up!

Hugs!

 

 

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Intrinsically Motivated Kids

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Inner drive. It could be school work.  It could be a chore.  It could be sport.  What am I talking about?  That inner drive or motivation some kids have just to get something done to the best of their ability.  That inner push to reach above the bar.  There is no bribe or pressure…it is just a special spark within that child.

So, my question today is how come some kids have this and others don’t?  Is there anything you for your child if they don’t have this inner motivation?

My kids ended summer break and have started back to school.  I guess this idea of inner drive kind of slapped in the face this summer.  As I watched my kids participate in various summer sports and camps it became mighty apparent the distinction between kids who constantly drive to reach higher and do better and those who don’t care or need pushed from others.  I watched parents bribe, yell, guilt, nag, and even embarrass their child. Sometimes I even watched as parents publicly reprimanded their little one for not “winning” . I then began to think about the pressures kids are exposed to now a days…that sometimes may lead to anxiety issues.

I started to wonder what set apart these driven kids.  Is it maturity? Personality? Parenting?  Or is it a combination of all three?  I tend to think it is the later plays a big role. So let’s focus on parenting…the one area where we as parents have control.

Where should we start? How do you help to build or encourage this type of mindset in your kids? Let’s start with four little steps!

  • Recognize the little accomplishments that add up to extraordinary achievements.
  • Focus on the things they’re doing right.
  • Teach your kids to dream big.
  • Use extrinsic rewards to reward intrinsic behavior (so instead of rewarding your child for coming in first place reward their “hard work” or “leadership” or “sportsmanship”).

I personally love this list…especially remembering to reward intrinsic behaviors!

 

 

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I am not an expert, but try to play one in real life

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

One look around and you will find experts everywhere.  They seem to pop up over night.  Within 2 minutes on the internet, I could find people claiming to be experts in: nutrition, exercise, fashion, house cleaning, interior design, child care, elder care, pets, marriage, childhood, and addiction.   The question is: what really makes someone an expert?  Is it experience?  Education?  Success?  How do you weed out true experts from the people pretending to be one..especially on-line?

Looking at an “expert” purely in terms of a definition, it would be a person with a high degree of skill in or knowledge of a certain subject  or field.  Here are some great guidelines from Daniel Newman via Forbes magazine:

  • Consider the source
  • Check the facts
  • Search or Nimble the author

To take it even further, the Harvard Business Review writes that a real expertise must pass three tests. First,  performance must be consistently superior to that of the expert’s peers. Second, real expertise produces concrete results. Finally, true expertise can be replicated and measured in the lab.

My additional tips:

  • Use common sense.  Just content writing doesn’t make someone an expert.
  • Just because something is on the internet does NOT make the information true.
  • It’s OK to admit you are an amateur…one that is eager to learn and grow.

In today’s world it is really hard to weed through the garbage.  We are all searching for authentic information that will provide the best outcome for us.  Keep the above mentioned things in mind as you scan through social media and the internet in search for the latest information on a topic.  Hopefully, it will save you from wasting your time.

“Owning a drone does not a pilot make.” ― Alex Morritt

“All great achievements require time.” – Maya Angelou

 

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Living in a world of fakeness

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Fakeness seems to be all around us.  News. People. Friends. Brands. Help. Information.  Every where you turn one must assess…truth from fiction.  Typically, something “fake” or being “fake” has a negative cloud surrounding it.  Now no one seems to care.  “Fake” is still going strong and seems to be gaining popularity.

Though we can’t stop the fake news or information from flying around.  We can certainly take action. I say let’s counter the fakers with authenticity or flash your sincere personality.

Here is a checklist of traits that genuine or authentic people share:

  1. a strong, but balanced self-esteem
  2. an ability to embrace his/her own vulnerability
  3. to share your true thoughts and beliefs
  4. to give and receive compliments openly
  5. to really listen and prefer deep conversations
  6. to be driven by inner voices and not surrounding people or pressures
  7. an ability to be compassionate towards others
  8. to have inner courage

Genuine. Real. True.