Tag: #advice

Posted in #life

Where do I fit in my kids pre-teen/teen world?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Our daughter is turning 12 in a few weeks.  Last night we were looking through videos and spending some precious time reminiscing.  There she was in front of the camera ….needing mom and dad and wanting to show and share everything with us.  As she enters her into the last year of being a “pre-teen” things are starting to change.

Entering this new life chapter…Where do I fit? Or her dad?  Well, in my opinion, I believe that pre-teens and teens need us a parents now more than ever!  How they may need us is what changes.  So, even though they may want more space or more freedom, that doesn’t lessen our role as parents.

Tips?

  • shift your focus from over managing your child’s schedule
  • provide advice and supervision
  • have high, but realistic  expectations
  • know their friends
  • establishing a special period of one-on-one time once or twice a week that you spend with your tween, where you’re providing undivided attention
  • start conversations surrounding hard or uncomfortable topics
  • hold firm with consequences

If your child get caught getting into trouble:

  • Call them out if they are caught in a lie
  • Address misbehavior
  • Teach them to make amends if another person who was affected
  • Use natural consequences (ex:  if caught sneaking the cell phone…then the cell phone is off-limits for a period of time)
  • let them know the sneaky behavior is not justified and goes against your house rules
  • Remove emotion and stay calm

“Adolescence is a period of rapid changes.  Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.” – Author Unknown

 

Posted in #life

Family

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

(A clarification before I begin, I consider my husband’s family as well as my family  “extended family”)

Family can be such a blessing for many of us.  They can provide support, a sounding board, a connection to history and even fill us with unconditional love.  However, as families have become more scattered as well as independent, it can be really difficult establish and keep relationships with extended family members.  It can be really, really difficult to teach our children to do this same thing.

We all have the obligations that daily life throws at us.  Home, school, friends, kids, and employment responsibilities are there daily and often leave us tired.  The last thing some of us may want to do is pick up the phone or even talk at the end of a long day let alone over the weekend.

Family relationships, just like any other relationship,  will never work and will eventually fade if you don’t make it a priority and give it attention. Modeling family relationships and all that entails falls into our court as parents.  If you don’t show your children how to put forth effort in fostering relationships with extended family, they never will know how to.  If you speak negatively about your extended family in front of your children, then they will pick up on those same habits. Over generations, these family ties will eventually fade or be destroyed.  Now I am not saying there aren’t circumstances where ties shouldn’t be cut…but that is discussion for another post.

I admit I am guilty.  With the death of my father-in-law this last week, it has really reconfirmed that I need to take more of an initiative.  Calls or even efforts at times haven’t been made.  Past encounters may have seeded  hurt feelings in some cases.  Taking that initial step to let things go or to look past the past can be hard.  So, where do you even start?  How can you begin to bring your extended family back into your life?  There are simple things you can do to nurture or rebuild relationships:

  • Call at least once a month.
  • Send a text message every once in a while.
  • Send an email.
  • Go old school…write a letter or send a card.
  • Keep up to date on your photo albums.
  • Plan family reunions, picnics, or just get-togethers

Or as in any relationship…you can simply start by extending respect, and give love a chance to grow!  It is amazing what time and a little effort can do!

“Family where life begins & love never ends.”~ unknown

Posted in #life, Snippets

7 excuses we make for our kids

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

As parents, we use a number of defense mechanisms.  One is excusing inappropriate behaviors of our children.  Why do we do it?   Maybe we want our child to be liked or maybe we don’t want to look as though we are “less than perfect parents”.  Here are my 7 “favorite” excuses:

  • “He’s gifted”
  • “She’s just bored”
  • “She’s just playing”
  • “He’s not feeling well”
  • “My child said it really wasn’t a big deal”
  • “Boys will be boys”
  • “She’s so cute”

Kids should learn to be held accountable.  For us as parents, there is a big difference between defending our kids and making excuses.  When those lines are blurred or crossed, we can often end up enabling behavior…which never has a good outcome.

My kids fight and still make bad choices behaviorally.  Going back to my days in the classroom, I know that most behaviors have a “function”.  They rarely are random acts that can be excused away or explained using one of the phrases above.  A function of a behavior could be frustration or a basic need not being met.   It is hard to look deeper and really address what is going on verses making an excuse.  Take the time.

  • Identify what actions/situations precipitate the inappropriate behavior
  • Reinforce good behaviors
  • Teach and model appropriate solutions/behaviors

Excusing inappropriate behaviors and not addressing them really just reinforces.

Parenting isn’t easy.

Be firm. Be fair. Set the bar high.

Posted in #life, Uncategorized

I am not an expert, but try to play one in real life

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

One look around and you will find experts everywhere.  They seem to pop up over night.  Within 2 minutes on the internet, I could find people claiming to be experts in: nutrition, exercise, fashion, house cleaning, interior design, child care, elder care, pets, marriage, childhood, and addiction.   The question is: what really makes someone an expert?  Is it experience?  Education?  Success?  How do you weed out true experts from the people pretending to be one..especially on-line?

Looking at an “expert” purely in terms of a definition, it would be a person with a high degree of skill in or knowledge of a certain subject  or field.  Here are some great guidelines from Daniel Newman via Forbes magazine:

  • Consider the source
  • Check the facts
  • Search or Nimble the author

To take it even further, the Harvard Business Review writes that a real expertise must pass three tests. First,  performance must be consistently superior to that of the expert’s peers. Second, real expertise produces concrete results. Finally, true expertise can be replicated and measured in the lab.

My additional tips:

  • Use common sense.  Just content writing doesn’t make someone an expert.
  • Just because something is on the internet does NOT make the information true.
  • It’s OK to admit you are an amateur…one that is eager to learn and grow.

In today’s world it is really hard to weed through the garbage.  We are all searching for authentic information that will provide the best outcome for us.  Keep the above mentioned things in mind as you scan through social media and the internet in search for the latest information on a topic.  Hopefully, it will save you from wasting your time.

“Owning a drone does not a pilot make.” ― Alex Morritt

“All great achievements require time.” – Maya Angelou