Tag: #kids

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There’s no entitlement here

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

This past weekend, we were at my son’s hockey tournament in Philadelphia.  The concept of traveling for long, sports weekends is new to me…to put it out there my son is 9 years old.

I am always prepared for the actual trip itself.  Packing clothing, gear, and snacks is no problem as I am a list maker and thrive on organization.

What I am never prepared for is the chaos.  My son loves staying at the team hotel and he loves hanging out with his friends.  Typically, multiple teams from different states all seem to end up at the same hotel. Tons of players, parents, and siblings are everywhere.

I love going into a hotel where the rules are set out upon arrival.   Rules?  Yep.  For some reason, when a hockey team arrives waivers and rules are thrown out to you at the front desk.  Basic rules….no running, yelling, throwing things over railings.  Common sense?  To some…but not all.  This particular hotel in Philly even had security to help police the kids.

After a long day of tournament games followed by some intense floor hockey, my son and some friends decided it was a great idea to run down the hallways yelling…security nabbed them.  Did I try to make excuses or get my son out of whatever consequence was in store?  No I did not.

How often do we see parents trying to argue or excuse behavior/action in order to get their kid out of a consequence?  I see it often…at the pool in the summer, at a restaurant, at school, in a classroom…the list goes on and on.

My question is what are teaching our children?  Consequences aren’t for me?  I don’t have to follow rules?  I don’t have limits? Are we as parents just too overprotective?

I think letting your child experience the discomfort of natural consequences is a good thing.  It allows your child to learn the skills necessary to bounce back from failure or mistakes.  Living through consequences teaches your child decision making skills.  Think about it.

“It’s all part of growing up” my dad says…and I have to agree…time to own up and grow up!

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Am I a nightmare sports parent?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

We are a sports family.  Our son is involved in hockey, swimming, and basketball (always 3 sports throughout the school year).  Competitive swimming is our daughter’s sole interest.  Our weekly calendar is a revolving door as the kids go to practices 5-6 days a week plus have games or meets.  Sports are awesome as they teach people to deal with challenges and obstacles.  We love them and have seen our kids grown through participation.

One of the big draw backs as kids get older and sports become competitive can be the parents.  Yikes…did I just say that?

When my kids made the switch from recreational sports to competitive sports there came a switch with the parents.  With rec leagues and games, parents  were all about laughing and snacks.  As the kids got older and the focus of the sports changed to one which is more competitive in nature, the attitude of some parents changed.  Now practices can be filled with this underlying intensity and competitiveness.  Lofty expectations start filtering into practices and games.  You start hearing words such as “kick butt” (or variations of this) and papers with stats start flying around.  As soon as a game or meet is over you can over hear parents conferencing with their child….”You didn’t hustle” or “You would have won if the ref. hadn’t made so many bad calls”.  Am I guilty as criticizing or coaching as soon as the kids leave the field, rink, or pool? Guilty of telling my kid to “kick so&so’s butt”?  YES 😳

Away from the venue (when clarity seeps in), I admit these comments, pressures, and expectations, are undermining and can often cause unnecessary stress and pressure.  Being honest…what should I do instead?

  • Teach my kids to challenge themselves and to improve.
  • Teach them that success/failure is not the same as winning/losing.
  • Support them…but keep in mind I am NOT the coach.
  • Remember my kids are not going “pro” or going to the Olympics.
  • Remember that my kids are NOT the performance…losing a game or meet doesn’t “define” them as a person.
  • Teach them how deal with losing.

Or maybe I can just start by saying “I ❤️ to watch you play/swim/etc.” and save the feedback for a later time.

Hmmmm..now if I can get my hubby on board 😂

Figuring it out…one.step.at.a time💕

Posted in #life

Where do I fit in my kids pre-teen/teen world?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Our daughter is turning 12 in a few weeks.  Last night we were looking through videos and spending some precious time reminiscing.  There she was in front of the camera ….needing mom and dad and wanting to show and share everything with us.  As she enters her into the last year of being a “pre-teen” things are starting to change.

Entering this new life chapter…Where do I fit? Or her dad?  Well, in my opinion, I believe that pre-teens and teens need us a parents now more than ever!  How they may need us is what changes.  So, even though they may want more space or more freedom, that doesn’t lessen our role as parents.

Tips?

  • shift your focus from over managing your child’s schedule
  • provide advice and supervision
  • have high, but realistic  expectations
  • know their friends
  • establishing a special period of one-on-one time once or twice a week that you spend with your tween, where you’re providing undivided attention
  • start conversations surrounding hard or uncomfortable topics
  • hold firm with consequences

If your child get caught getting into trouble:

  • Call them out if they are caught in a lie
  • Address misbehavior
  • Teach them to make amends if another person who was affected
  • Use natural consequences (ex:  if caught sneaking the cell phone…then the cell phone is off-limits for a period of time)
  • let them know the sneaky behavior is not justified and goes against your house rules
  • Remove emotion and stay calm

“Adolescence is a period of rapid changes.  Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.” – Author Unknown

 

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Intrinsically Motivated Kids

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Inner drive. It could be school work.  It could be a chore.  It could be sport.  What am I talking about?  That inner drive or motivation some kids have just to get something done to the best of their ability.  That inner push to reach above the bar.  There is no bribe or pressure…it is just a special spark within that child.

So, my question today is how come some kids have this and others don’t?  Is there anything you for your child if they don’t have this inner motivation?

My kids ended summer break and have started back to school.  I guess this idea of inner drive kind of slapped in the face this summer.  As I watched my kids participate in various summer sports and camps it became mighty apparent the distinction between kids who constantly drive to reach higher and do better and those who don’t care or need pushed from others.  I watched parents bribe, yell, guilt, nag, and even embarrass their child. Sometimes I even watched as parents publicly reprimanded their little one for not “winning” . I then began to think about the pressures kids are exposed to now a days…that sometimes may lead to anxiety issues.

I started to wonder what set apart these driven kids.  Is it maturity? Personality? Parenting?  Or is it a combination of all three?  I tend to think it is the later plays a big role. So let’s focus on parenting…the one area where we as parents have control.

Where should we start? How do you help to build or encourage this type of mindset in your kids? Let’s start with four little steps!

  • Recognize the little accomplishments that add up to extraordinary achievements.
  • Focus on the things they’re doing right.
  • Teach your kids to dream big.
  • Use extrinsic rewards to reward intrinsic behavior (so instead of rewarding your child for coming in first place reward their “hard work” or “leadership” or “sportsmanship”).

I personally love this list…especially remembering to reward intrinsic behaviors!