Tag: #life

Posted in #life, Uncategorized

A note to my daughter

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

It seems like it was yesterday…

Thanksgiving break 2005…we had family and friends popping in and out of the house for days.  Boy I just wanted to put my super pregnant self on the couch and rest.  Your due date was a few weeks off…so I knew I had time, but you had other plans!

Contractions started and continued on and off over night.  Part of me was absolutely in denial as we headed off to the hospital the next day.  I was so sure we would be sent home.  So, dad and I were in a bit of shock when the nurse told us that a room was being prepared. Excited but scared we got checked in and settled.  Keep in mind we had no idea if we were having a girl or boy…we wanted to be surprised!

Everyone told me time will fly and boy has it ever.  I can’t believe you are on the thresh-hold of your teenage years!

Thinking about you and how you live your life, I came up with the list below….goals that I see you work towards daily.  I don’t think we have ever listed these out.  However, everyday dad and I see you strive to hit these…and it makes our hearts swell.  Continue your pursuit beautiful girl… because guess what?!  These will guide you through life:)

  • Dream big
  • Surround yourself with the positive
  • Reach high
  • Trust and honesty are invaluable
  • Be positive
  • Laughter always helps
  • Find the silver lining
  • Be organized
  • Make a difference
  • Believe in yourself
  • Keep your family close
  • Have faith
Posted in A Better Self

Gossip and friendship

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Is there any place for gossip in an authentic friendship?

Gossip.  If you really look, I think we can all admit that we have experienced both sides at some point in our lives.  Glaring, whispering, and passing judgement on others.  Maybe being the one talked about….and let’s be honest it always comes back in these cases.   In the past, I admit in certain settings I would partner up with women who loved to gossip.  Saying mean or hurtful statements about another….even when the ones being talked about were already at their lowest.  Sad.

Real friendships are hard.  Keeping them positive and balanced is also hard.  It can sometimes seem like an impossible expectation to allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic to others….to trust them.  But aren’t these the friendships we deep down desire?  The ones that go beyond the glass of wine and gossip?  The one’s that  put you at your most vulnerable, but are most rewarding and fulfilling?

I have been taking a class on finding balance and creating order from within.  It has made me rethink a lot of what has occurred in my life and who I am surrounding myself with.   It is probably one of the most difficult changes I have made in a while.

In this study, I came across this list of qualities a good friend exemplifies and it really hit home with me.

  • They are encouraging.
  • They rejoice when you are rejoicing.
  • They mourn when you mourn.
  • They can speak the truth to you in love.

What qualities are important to you?  It is never to late to re-evaluate your list!

Always grateful!

“Friendship is when a person knows all about you and likes you anyway. “~ unknown

Posted in Uncategorized

There’s no entitlement here

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

This past weekend, we were at my son’s hockey tournament in Philadelphia.  The concept of traveling for long, sports weekends is new to me…to put it out there my son is 9 years old.

I am always prepared for the actual trip itself.  Packing clothing, gear, and snacks is no problem as I am a list maker and thrive on organization.

What I am never prepared for is the chaos.  My son loves staying at the team hotel and he loves hanging out with his friends.  Typically, multiple teams from different states all seem to end up at the same hotel. Tons of players, parents, and siblings are everywhere.

I love going into a hotel where the rules are set out upon arrival.   Rules?  Yep.  For some reason, when a hockey team arrives waivers and rules are thrown out to you at the front desk.  Basic rules….no running, yelling, throwing things over railings.  Common sense?  To some…but not all.  This particular hotel in Philly even had security to help police the kids.

After a long day of tournament games followed by some intense floor hockey, my son and some friends decided it was a great idea to run down the hallways yelling…security nabbed them.  Did I try to make excuses or get my son out of whatever consequence was in store?  No I did not.

How often do we see parents trying to argue or excuse behavior/action in order to get their kid out of a consequence?  I see it often…at the pool in the summer, at a restaurant, at school, in a classroom…the list goes on and on.

My question is what are teaching our children?  Consequences aren’t for me?  I don’t have to follow rules?  I don’t have limits? Are we as parents just too overprotective?

I think letting your child experience the discomfort of natural consequences is a good thing.  It allows your child to learn the skills necessary to bounce back from failure or mistakes.  Living through consequences teaches your child decision making skills.  Think about it.

“It’s all part of growing up” my dad says…and I have to agree…time to own up and grow up!

Posted in Uncategorized

My Facebook Detox: 30 days later

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

At the end of March,  I decided to free my mind and time by getting off Facebook.  This was a decision made after hearing a number of rumblings claiming the unsung benefits of doing so.

  • A quieter mind
  • Being more present in the moment
  • Increased social interactions
  • More authenticity in relationships
  • Increased focus and creativity
  • Feeling more positive

So, I logged off…for 30 days.

I have to admit that it was the best decision for me.  The biggest change was being more present with friends and those around me.  My focus when out with my friends or family really centered around that….being together, interacting, and absorbing the experience.  Facebook was no longer part of dinners out or drinks with friends.  It no longer was that “third wheel” popping up to take a picture of a trip, a date, or a night out with friends.

Life without Facebook forced me to talk more.  It gave me back time and perspective.  It freed up time to read more…and I just read an article that talked about how many hours it takes to be friends with someone…90 hours or more (and Facebook comments, likes, and shares don’t count)!  I realized all the time I spent snapping pictures and tagging others…didn’t really matter to most of my Facebook friends.  Really what was the point?  Though family and a handful of friends may have been excited to see my kid scoring a goal, did the majority of FB friends really give a rip about me going out to lunch or hanging out over coffee?  In actuality was I really just making others feel excluded..though never the intent?!? Or did I crave the validation that comes from posting certain pictures?

Going forward…30 minutes of Facebook time is what I am willing to spend each week.  My posts will be limited and probably more thoughtful…keeping in mind that too much of a good thing is never good.

I am so happy with this journey and being able to share it with you!

~It’s all about growth and change…one step at a time~

Posted in Uncategorized

Am I a nightmare sports parent?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

We are a sports family.  Our son is involved in hockey, swimming, and basketball (always 3 sports throughout the school year).  Competitive swimming is our daughter’s sole interest.  Our weekly calendar is a revolving door as the kids go to practices 5-6 days a week plus have games or meets.  Sports are awesome as they teach people to deal with challenges and obstacles.  We love them and have seen our kids grown through participation.

One of the big draw backs as kids get older and sports become competitive can be the parents.  Yikes…did I just say that?

When my kids made the switch from recreational sports to competitive sports there came a switch with the parents.  With rec leagues and games, parents  were all about laughing and snacks.  As the kids got older and the focus of the sports changed to one which is more competitive in nature, the attitude of some parents changed.  Now practices can be filled with this underlying intensity and competitiveness.  Lofty expectations start filtering into practices and games.  You start hearing words such as “kick butt” (or variations of this) and papers with stats start flying around.  As soon as a game or meet is over you can over hear parents conferencing with their child….”You didn’t hustle” or “You would have won if the ref. hadn’t made so many bad calls”.  Am I guilty as criticizing or coaching as soon as the kids leave the field, rink, or pool? Guilty of telling my kid to “kick so&so’s butt”?  YES 😳

Away from the venue (when clarity seeps in), I admit these comments, pressures, and expectations, are undermining and can often cause unnecessary stress and pressure.  Being honest…what should I do instead?

  • Teach my kids to challenge themselves and to improve.
  • Teach them that success/failure is not the same as winning/losing.
  • Support them…but keep in mind I am NOT the coach.
  • Remember my kids are not going “pro” or going to the Olympics.
  • Remember that my kids are NOT the performance…losing a game or meet doesn’t “define” them as a person.
  • Teach them how deal with losing.

Or maybe I can just start by saying “I ❤️ to watch you play/swim/etc.” and save the feedback for a later time.

Hmmmm..now if I can get my hubby on board 😂

Figuring it out…one.step.at.a time💕

Posted in Uncategorized

My social media detox

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Detoxes are hot right now…especially when it comes to health.  People realize the importance of rebooting or resetting their bodies–probably one or more times throughout the year.  I think “detoxes” can apply to any area of your life where you need to refocus and readjust.

How about a mental and emotional detox…starting with unplugging from social media?  I don’t think it is fully realized how social media can affect your mental and emotional health. Though it allows people to instantly connect. It does not offer anything close to the benefits that real-life/face-to-face connections and interactions do.  It’s easy to get caught up in comparisons and self-judgments as one scrolls through the news feeds.  Usage snaps up hours of our time each and every day and week…time we can actually be engaging in authentic relationships with others or spending on a task or activity.

The numerous benefits of unplugging seem worth some attention.  Participants in these so-called social media detoxes have called the experience “life-changing”.  Really?

  • A quieter mind
  • Being more in the moment
  • Increased social interactions
  • More authentic in relationships
  • Increased creativity and focus
  • Feeling more positive

Hmmmm…..

Between work and personal use, I spend a good bit of time on social media. There are times I certainly seem weighed down by it or feel drained after being on it.  So, is all the buzz about unplugging true?

Here goes… no posting, reading news feeds, or commenting/liking posts….totally disengaging … for one month.

Wish me luck!

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in #life

Family

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

(A clarification before I begin, I consider my husband’s family as well as my family  “extended family”)

Family can be such a blessing for many of us.  They can provide support, a sounding board, a connection to history and even fill us with unconditional love.  However, as families have become more scattered as well as independent, it can be really difficult establish and keep relationships with extended family members.  It can be really, really difficult to teach our children to do this same thing.

We all have the obligations that daily life throws at us.  Home, school, friends, kids, and employment responsibilities are there daily and often leave us tired.  The last thing some of us may want to do is pick up the phone or even talk at the end of a long day let alone over the weekend.

Family relationships, just like any other relationship,  will never work and will eventually fade if you don’t make it a priority and give it attention. Modeling family relationships and all that entails falls into our court as parents.  If you don’t show your children how to put forth effort in fostering relationships with extended family, they never will know how to.  If you speak negatively about your extended family in front of your children, then they will pick up on those same habits. Over generations, these family ties will eventually fade or be destroyed.  Now I am not saying there aren’t circumstances where ties shouldn’t be cut…but that is discussion for another post.

I admit I am guilty.  With the death of my father-in-law this last week, it has really reconfirmed that I need to take more of an initiative.  Calls or even efforts at times haven’t been made.  Past encounters may have seeded  hurt feelings in some cases.  Taking that initial step to let things go or to look past the past can be hard.  So, where do you even start?  How can you begin to bring your extended family back into your life?  There are simple things you can do to nurture or rebuild relationships:

  • Call at least once a month.
  • Send a text message every once in a while.
  • Send an email.
  • Go old school…write a letter or send a card.
  • Keep up to date on your photo albums.
  • Plan family reunions, picnics, or just get-togethers

Or as in any relationship…you can simply start by extending respect, and give love a chance to grow!  It is amazing what time and a little effort can do!

“Family where life begins & love never ends.”~ unknown

Posted in Uncategorized

Intrinsically Motivated Kids

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Inner drive. It could be school work.  It could be a chore.  It could be sport.  What am I talking about?  That inner drive or motivation some kids have just to get something done to the best of their ability.  That inner push to reach above the bar.  There is no bribe or pressure…it is just a special spark within that child.

So, my question today is how come some kids have this and others don’t?  Is there anything you for your child if they don’t have this inner motivation?

My kids ended summer break and have started back to school.  I guess this idea of inner drive kind of slapped in the face this summer.  As I watched my kids participate in various summer sports and camps it became mighty apparent the distinction between kids who constantly drive to reach higher and do better and those who don’t care or need pushed from others.  I watched parents bribe, yell, guilt, nag, and even embarrass their child. Sometimes I even watched as parents publicly reprimanded their little one for not “winning” . I then began to think about the pressures kids are exposed to now a days…that sometimes may lead to anxiety issues.

I started to wonder what set apart these driven kids.  Is it maturity? Personality? Parenting?  Or is it a combination of all three?  I tend to think it is the later plays a big role. So let’s focus on parenting…the one area where we as parents have control.

Where should we start? How do you help to build or encourage this type of mindset in your kids? Let’s start with four little steps!

  • Recognize the little accomplishments that add up to extraordinary achievements.
  • Focus on the things they’re doing right.
  • Teach your kids to dream big.
  • Use extrinsic rewards to reward intrinsic behavior (so instead of rewarding your child for coming in first place reward their “hard work” or “leadership” or “sportsmanship”).

I personally love this list…especially remembering to reward intrinsic behaviors!

 

 

Posted in #life, Uncategorized

Living in a world of fakeness

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Fakeness seems to be all around us.  News. People. Friends. Brands. Help. Information.  Every where you turn one must assess…truth from fiction.  Typically, something “fake” or being “fake” has a negative cloud surrounding it.  Now no one seems to care.  “Fake” is still going strong and seems to be gaining popularity.

Though we can’t stop the fake news or information from flying around.  We can certainly take action. I say let’s counter the fakers with authenticity or flash your sincere personality.

Here is a checklist of traits that genuine or authentic people share:

  1. a strong, but balanced self-esteem
  2. an ability to embrace his/her own vulnerability
  3. to share your true thoughts and beliefs
  4. to give and receive compliments openly
  5. to really listen and prefer deep conversations
  6. to be driven by inner voices and not surrounding people or pressures
  7. an ability to be compassionate towards others
  8. to have inner courage

Genuine. Real. True.

Posted in #life, Snippets, Uncategorized

Are our kids really safe anywhere?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Just this past week alone:

  • School: an email was sent stating the police had to be called to school to address “a concern involving a student”
  • Neighborhood: a pediatrician just showed up unannounced at a home of a 15 year old who had an appointment the day before.
  • Metro area: a father turns in his daughter who was planning a mass shooting at her high school

What is going on?  The truth is we are certainly raising our kids in a different type of world.  Predators, abductors, bullies, school shooters …the list goes on and on.  Growing up none of this was real life to me.  I never knew anyone or heard of any kid having these types of things happening to them.  My mom  must have had heard otherwise.  As the school year started, she would go over a plan of escape in the instance that a vehicle pulled up and a stranger approached.   I walked to Kindergarten and walked home for lunch.  It was blocks away and I did it alone. Things have surely changed and it can be down right scary at times.

What is the answer?  Do you need to overprotect?  Should you shelter your kids?   Is it all about adding more rules and limitations?  Is it adding more freedom?

Here is my take:

  • Limits:  I believe kids need limits.  It is OK to tell them “NO”.  In our home, we limit the time my kids can be using their technology.  Outside of any school work, I like the rule of thumb….1 hour/weekday and 2 hours/weekend.
  • Rules:  Rules are something kids need to get use to.  They will need to be able to navigate them throughout their whole life.  In our house, there are basic rules (like being courteous).  There are also other rules in place. For example, no technology in the bedroom.  For kids,  this is a must rule for so many different reasons.
  • Real Conversations:  I am a firm believer with arming my kids with as much information as well as strategies as is age appropriate. There is no need to shelter them.  News can be watered down to an appropriate level for a child.  Using “what would you do if” questions open up great discussions.
  • Teaching:  I think it is important to teach kids not to be afraid, but to be aware and mindful.  Example, I think it is important for kids to know what appropriate ways for adults to interact with kids can looks like.  To know, what to do if something is seen that that doesn’t fit that criteria.  It could be something they notice as odd, inappropriate or out of the ordinary.    Teaching how to identify someone who is trustworthy and how to report an issue would be another example.  I want my kids to witness the world and if they see some thing that doesn’t make sense…they need to report it….not ignore it.
  • Freedom:  Letting my kids play outside for periods unsupervised or letting them handle a social situation with friends on their own. I remember that first time I was allowed to ride my bike up the street by myself.  That feeling of freedom.  Kids need to figure it out.  Is there a simple activity your son/daughter could be doing right now and they are not?  Is there something your child has been asking to try?  What’s the worst that can happen?  Again:  balance, age appropriateness, knowledge level…all these things go into letting little leaps of freedom happen.

Living in fear is not living.  Let’s make a promise instead to prepare our kids for life. Let’s go forward teaching them the skills they need so they can handle things like risks, freedom, and all the potentially scary things out there.

I would love to hear your take on the subject!

Until tomorrow:  F-E-A-R has two meanings:  “Forget Everything And Run” or “Face Everything And Rise”….the choice is yours.