Tag: #momadvice

Posted in #life

Where do I fit in my kids pre-teen/teen world?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Our daughter is turning 12 in a few weeks.  Last night we were looking through videos and spending some precious time reminiscing.  There she was in front of the camera ….needing mom and dad and wanting to show and share everything with us.  As she enters her into the last year of being a “pre-teen” things are starting to change.

Entering this new life chapter…Where do I fit? Or her dad?  Well, in my opinion, I believe that pre-teens and teens need us a parents now more than ever!  How they may need us is what changes.  So, even though they may want more space or more freedom, that doesn’t lessen our role as parents.

Tips?

  • shift your focus from over managing your child’s schedule
  • provide advice and supervision
  • have high, but realistic  expectations
  • know their friends
  • establishing a special period of one-on-one time once or twice a week that you spend with your tween, where you’re providing undivided attention
  • start conversations surrounding hard or uncomfortable topics
  • hold firm with consequences

If your child get caught getting into trouble:

  • Call them out if they are caught in a lie
  • Address misbehavior
  • Teach them to make amends if another person who was affected
  • Use natural consequences (ex:  if caught sneaking the cell phone…then the cell phone is off-limits for a period of time)
  • let them know the sneaky behavior is not justified and goes against your house rules
  • Remove emotion and stay calm

“Adolescence is a period of rapid changes.  Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.” – Author Unknown

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Intrinsically Motivated Kids

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Inner drive. It could be school work.  It could be a chore.  It could be sport.  What am I talking about?  That inner drive or motivation some kids have just to get something done to the best of their ability.  That inner push to reach above the bar.  There is no bribe or pressure…it is just a special spark within that child.

So, my question today is how come some kids have this and others don’t?  Is there anything you for your child if they don’t have this inner motivation?

My kids ended summer break and have started back to school.  I guess this idea of inner drive kind of slapped in the face this summer.  As I watched my kids participate in various summer sports and camps it became mighty apparent the distinction between kids who constantly drive to reach higher and do better and those who don’t care or need pushed from others.  I watched parents bribe, yell, guilt, nag, and even embarrass their child. Sometimes I even watched as parents publicly reprimanded their little one for not “winning” . I then began to think about the pressures kids are exposed to now a days…that sometimes may lead to anxiety issues.

I started to wonder what set apart these driven kids.  Is it maturity? Personality? Parenting?  Or is it a combination of all three?  I tend to think it is the later plays a big role. So let’s focus on parenting…the one area where we as parents have control.

Where should we start? How do you help to build or encourage this type of mindset in your kids? Let’s start with four little steps!

  • Recognize the little accomplishments that add up to extraordinary achievements.
  • Focus on the things they’re doing right.
  • Teach your kids to dream big.
  • Use extrinsic rewards to reward intrinsic behavior (so instead of rewarding your child for coming in first place reward their “hard work” or “leadership” or “sportsmanship”).

I personally love this list…especially remembering to reward intrinsic behaviors!