Tag: #tips

Posted in Uncategorized

Am I a nightmare sports parent?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

We are a sports family.  Our son is involved in hockey, swimming, and basketball (always 3 sports throughout the school year).  Competitive swimming is our daughter’s sole interest.  Our weekly calendar is a revolving door as the kids go to practices 5-6 days a week plus have games or meets.  Sports are awesome as they teach people to deal with challenges and obstacles.  We love them and have seen our kids grown through participation.

One of the big draw backs as kids get older and sports become competitive can be the parents.  Yikes…did I just say that?

When my kids made the switch from recreational sports to competitive sports there came a switch with the parents.  With rec leagues and games, parents  were all about laughing and snacks.  As the kids got older and the focus of the sports changed to one which is more competitive in nature, the attitude of some parents changed.  Now practices can be filled with this underlying intensity and competitiveness.  Lofty expectations start filtering into practices and games.  You start hearing words such as “kick butt” (or variations of this) and papers with stats start flying around.  As soon as a game or meet is over you can over hear parents conferencing with their child….”You didn’t hustle” or “You would have won if the ref. hadn’t made so many bad calls”.  Am I guilty as criticizing or coaching as soon as the kids leave the field, rink, or pool? Guilty of telling my kid to “kick so&so’s butt”?  YES 😳

Away from the venue (when clarity seeps in), I admit these comments, pressures, and expectations, are undermining and can often cause unnecessary stress and pressure.  Being honest…what should I do instead?

  • Teach my kids to challenge themselves and to improve.
  • Teach them that success/failure is not the same as winning/losing.
  • Support them…but keep in mind I am NOT the coach.
  • Remember my kids are not going “pro” or going to the Olympics.
  • Remember that my kids are NOT the performance…losing a game or meet doesn’t “define” them as a person.
  • Teach them how deal with losing.

Or maybe I can just start by saying “I ❤️ to watch you play/swim/etc.” and save the feedback for a later time.

Hmmmm..now if I can get my hubby on board 😂

Figuring it out…one.step.at.a time💕

Posted in Uncategorized

Intrinsically Motivated Kids

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Inner drive. It could be school work.  It could be a chore.  It could be sport.  What am I talking about?  That inner drive or motivation some kids have just to get something done to the best of their ability.  That inner push to reach above the bar.  There is no bribe or pressure…it is just a special spark within that child.

So, my question today is how come some kids have this and others don’t?  Is there anything you for your child if they don’t have this inner motivation?

My kids ended summer break and have started back to school.  I guess this idea of inner drive kind of slapped in the face this summer.  As I watched my kids participate in various summer sports and camps it became mighty apparent the distinction between kids who constantly drive to reach higher and do better and those who don’t care or need pushed from others.  I watched parents bribe, yell, guilt, nag, and even embarrass their child. Sometimes I even watched as parents publicly reprimanded their little one for not “winning” . I then began to think about the pressures kids are exposed to now a days…that sometimes may lead to anxiety issues.

I started to wonder what set apart these driven kids.  Is it maturity? Personality? Parenting?  Or is it a combination of all three?  I tend to think it is the later plays a big role. So let’s focus on parenting…the one area where we as parents have control.

Where should we start? How do you help to build or encourage this type of mindset in your kids? Let’s start with four little steps!

  • Recognize the little accomplishments that add up to extraordinary achievements.
  • Focus on the things they’re doing right.
  • Teach your kids to dream big.
  • Use extrinsic rewards to reward intrinsic behavior (so instead of rewarding your child for coming in first place reward their “hard work” or “leadership” or “sportsmanship”).

I personally love this list…especially remembering to reward intrinsic behaviors!

 

 

Posted in #life, Snippets

7 excuses we make for our kids

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

As parents, we use a number of defense mechanisms.  One is excusing inappropriate behaviors of our children.  Why do we do it?   Maybe we want our child to be liked or maybe we don’t want to look as though we are “less than perfect parents”.  Here are my 7 “favorite” excuses:

  • “He’s gifted”
  • “She’s just bored”
  • “She’s just playing”
  • “He’s not feeling well”
  • “My child said it really wasn’t a big deal”
  • “Boys will be boys”
  • “She’s so cute”

Kids should learn to be held accountable.  For us as parents, there is a big difference between defending our kids and making excuses.  When those lines are blurred or crossed, we can often end up enabling behavior…which never has a good outcome.

My kids fight and still make bad choices behaviorally.  Going back to my days in the classroom, I know that most behaviors have a “function”.  They rarely are random acts that can be excused away or explained using one of the phrases above.  A function of a behavior could be frustration or a basic need not being met.   It is hard to look deeper and really address what is going on verses making an excuse.  Take the time.

  • Identify what actions/situations precipitate the inappropriate behavior
  • Reinforce good behaviors
  • Teach and model appropriate solutions/behaviors

Excusing inappropriate behaviors and not addressing them really just reinforces.

Parenting isn’t easy.

Be firm. Be fair. Set the bar high.

Posted in #life, Snippets, Uncategorized

Are our kids really safe anywhere?

Posted on by Snippetsofmylife

Just this past week alone:

  • School: an email was sent stating the police had to be called to school to address “a concern involving a student”
  • Neighborhood: a pediatrician just showed up unannounced at a home of a 15 year old who had an appointment the day before.
  • Metro area: a father turns in his daughter who was planning a mass shooting at her high school

What is going on?  The truth is we are certainly raising our kids in a different type of world.  Predators, abductors, bullies, school shooters …the list goes on and on.  Growing up none of this was real life to me.  I never knew anyone or heard of any kid having these types of things happening to them.  My mom  must have had heard otherwise.  As the school year started, she would go over a plan of escape in the instance that a vehicle pulled up and a stranger approached.   I walked to Kindergarten and walked home for lunch.  It was blocks away and I did it alone. Things have surely changed and it can be down right scary at times.

What is the answer?  Do you need to overprotect?  Should you shelter your kids?   Is it all about adding more rules and limitations?  Is it adding more freedom?

Here is my take:

  • Limits:  I believe kids need limits.  It is OK to tell them “NO”.  In our home, we limit the time my kids can be using their technology.  Outside of any school work, I like the rule of thumb….1 hour/weekday and 2 hours/weekend.
  • Rules:  Rules are something kids need to get use to.  They will need to be able to navigate them throughout their whole life.  In our house, there are basic rules (like being courteous).  There are also other rules in place. For example, no technology in the bedroom.  For kids,  this is a must rule for so many different reasons.
  • Real Conversations:  I am a firm believer with arming my kids with as much information as well as strategies as is age appropriate. There is no need to shelter them.  News can be watered down to an appropriate level for a child.  Using “what would you do if” questions open up great discussions.
  • Teaching:  I think it is important to teach kids not to be afraid, but to be aware and mindful.  Example, I think it is important for kids to know what appropriate ways for adults to interact with kids can looks like.  To know, what to do if something is seen that that doesn’t fit that criteria.  It could be something they notice as odd, inappropriate or out of the ordinary.    Teaching how to identify someone who is trustworthy and how to report an issue would be another example.  I want my kids to witness the world and if they see some thing that doesn’t make sense…they need to report it….not ignore it.
  • Freedom:  Letting my kids play outside for periods unsupervised or letting them handle a social situation with friends on their own. I remember that first time I was allowed to ride my bike up the street by myself.  That feeling of freedom.  Kids need to figure it out.  Is there a simple activity your son/daughter could be doing right now and they are not?  Is there something your child has been asking to try?  What’s the worst that can happen?  Again:  balance, age appropriateness, knowledge level…all these things go into letting little leaps of freedom happen.

Living in fear is not living.  Let’s make a promise instead to prepare our kids for life. Let’s go forward teaching them the skills they need so they can handle things like risks, freedom, and all the potentially scary things out there.

I would love to hear your take on the subject!

Until tomorrow:  F-E-A-R has two meanings:  “Forget Everything And Run” or “Face Everything And Rise”….the choice is yours.